Which means that if you\u2019re a baby gay, newly out bisexual man, or just a newbie to cruising<\/a>, you might not know how to make the most of covertly searching for men to have sex with, and more importantly, how to do it safely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s where our experts come in. To find out what to do if you\u2019re nervous, what the risks are, and tips for making the most of your erotic experience, we talked to Leo Herrera, a queer Mexican artist and author of the cruising manual (analog) Cruising<\/em><\/u><\/a>; Zachary Zane, Grindr’s Sex and Relationships Expert and author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto<\/em><\/u><\/a>; and Kai Korpak, queer sex therapist and assistant director of training and wellness at Best Therapies<\/u><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Feeling nervous before your first time or hundredth time cruising is completely normal. The important thing is that you learn the difference between your intuition telling you something is wrong, and nerves before an exhilarating \u2014 and sometimes a little risky \u2014 experience. \u201cI’ve been to many saunas and sex-positive gatherings and still get butterflies in my stomach before I go in, or sometimes I even try to talk myself out of it,\u201d Herrera tells PRIDE. \u201cWhen I started cruising for the first time, I had lots of false starts and changing my mind. The nerves are natural, but it’s also important to differentiate when it’s good nerves or our intuition telling us we may not be ready, or that something feels \u2018off’ or unsafe.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The good thing is that if it\u2019s run-of-thi-mill nervous energy, that can just increase the eroticism of the moment. \u201cNervousness can manifest in the body pretty similarly to sexual arousal (e.g., elevated heart rate, rapid breathing, dilated pupils, hormonal surge), and so many people actually like feeling a little nervous or afraid sexually,\u201d Zane says. \u201cIt can enhance the intensity of the sexual experience.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n While cruising is undoubtedly fun and sexy, there are risks involved that you should be aware of before you go seeking guys out in a locker room, public restroom, bathhouse, or in the park. From the kind of STI risks that come with any anonymous sexual encounter to concerns about being arrested for indecent exposure or public indecency to the risk of sexual assault, cruising can be dangerous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDepending on if you are cruising in a public space such as the woods or a park, the presence of police is a risk to consider,\u201d Korpak says. \u201cPhysical health risks such as STIs if safer sex practices are not utilized. Cruising can also stir up emotional risks, especially if someone feels shame or isolation afterward.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Having casual, often anonymous, sexual encounters with strangers is always going to come with some risk, but while that can be part of the fun, you should avoid it if the personal risk is too high. \u201cWhen cruising, you\u2019re hooking up with strangers, which always comes with safety risks,\u201d Zane says. \u201cA fun afternoon should never come at the cost of personal safety, or an indecent exposure charge.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rawpixel.com\/Shutterstock<\/small><\/p>\n\n\n\n You can’t completely get rid of the risks when you\u2019re engaging in behavior that is by definition risky, but there are ways to mitigate them. Not only are you going to want to protect yourself from STIs by using condoms, testing regularly, and taking Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) and Doxy-PEP, but you\u2019re also going to want to be careful about using party drugs, and learn the art of cruising so that you get good at all of the nonverbal cues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe key to safer cruising is reading the room,\u201d Zane says. \u201cThe line between private and public cruising spaces can get blurry, and not everywhere is the perfect spot. When getting started with cruising, it’s best to put on your slutty little glasses and do your research before. May I suggest heading to your nearest gayborhood to get the inside scoop, or practice at your favorite go-to gay bar?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019ll also want to carefully select the places you cruise to minimize the risk of being arrested. \u201cWe also have to take into consideration the risks of being in certain spaces, as we saw with the cruising arrests at Penn Station,\u201d Herrera explains. \u201cDifferent spaces, especially public ones, will have different legal risks and surveillance.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hookup apps have become ubiquitous in recent years, with Grindr and Sniffies being the most common and popular options. Zane loves Grindr\u2019s \u201cRight Now\u201d feature, which gives you a real-time feed of people looking to hook up near you, where people can post photos and descriptions of what they\u2019re looking for moment by moment. \u201cSo you can see when and even where folks may be cruising,\u201d Zane says. \u201cAnd these people, as the feature suggests, are looking to hook up \u2018right now,\u2019 not plan for later in the week.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Korpak recommends using Sniffies, Scruff, Growlr, Recon, and Grindr to find hookups online, but keep in mind that there are risks that people are misrepresenting themselves or trying to scam you. You are also less likely to make a genuine connection than you would in a well-known in-person cruising spot like a bathhouse or gay bar with a back room. \u201cEstablished cruising spots are designed with safety and consent in mind while also being more discrete while also having a safe space to explore,\u201d he says. \u201cPeople don\u2019t just \u2018find themselves\u2019 in a bathhouse, so you are safe to assume they are wanting to be there. This helps reduce the risks that can come up with meeting strangers in more open public spaces.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Herrera also prefers to keep things solidly in the real world and out of the apps, in part because of the privacy risks associated with them, and partially because of what you might be missing out on by not seeking people out in the real world. \u201cIf you get used to a frictionless experience, of telling an app exactly what you are into, of checking boxes for body types, or sex acts, and now allowing AI to step in and fill in blanks, you will miss out on discovering things about yourself that only real-time, human interactions can show you,\u201d he warns. \u201cYou may be into different body types or sex scenes you had no idea. I’ve had many of my own preferences revealed to me in the spontaneous moments when cruising.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n VladOrlov\/Shutterstock<\/small><\/p>\n\n\n\n Before you meet up with someone you picked up on an app, verify who they are. \u201cDon\u2019t meet up with someone unless they have sent you a face picture,\u201d Korpak says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It may seem obvious, but make sure a trusted friend knows what\u2019s going on before you meet up with a stranger. \u201cSending a trusted friend a picture of the other person you are meeting up with and any location details if you are meeting up with them at a place that is not your home,\u201d Korpak recommends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Listen to your instincts and back out if something feels off. \u201cIf something feels off, it probably is. Your gut knows when your body\u2019s saying no,\u201d Zane says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t use your real phone number or personal social media accounts when you\u2019re cruising online. \u201cHave a separate number, such as a google voice number or alternate social media account to give to people that can prove you are who you say you are without having to \u2018out\u2019 yourself,\u201d Korpak says. And if you\u2019re cruising in person, don\u2019t give the guy your name or any details about your job or private life. It\u2019ll keep you anonymous and \u201cmystery is sexy and smart,\u201d Zane says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In this day and age, you always have to be on the lookout for scams. \u201cIf someone tries to ask for even more info or tries to get you to message them off the app, be mindful that it may be a scam, especially if they ask for a credit card number,\u201d Korpak says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pay attention to your surroundings, and figure out how you would leave if things go south. \u201cAlways have a plan to bounce if things get weird and make sure you actually can,\u201d Zane says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you are cruising in person, you want to pick your spot carefully. \u201cNot every space is fair game,\u201d Zane warns. \u201cPay attention to cues, signage, and consent. Public lewdness charges are never hot.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Condoms, PrEP, and DoxyPEP, and regular STI testing are a must if you\u2019re into cruising and anonymous sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re planning to partake in illegal substances, make sure you\u2019re doing it as smartly and safely as possible. Don\u2019t take so much that you aren\u2019t aware of your surroundings, and don\u2019t mix drugs. \u201cA GHB overdose, or mixing poppers and erectile medications, can put not only you at risk, but the space and gathering itself,\u201d Herrera says. \u201cSo harm reduction is crucial.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re worried it could get lost or stolen, don\u2019t bring it with you to a park or bathhouse you\u2019re planning to go cruising at. \u201cKeep the expensive clothing and jewelry at home where it is safe and not susceptible to getting lost or stolen,\u201d Korpak says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You want to give the person you\u2019re about to hook up with easy access, and you don\u2019t want to have cumbersome or hard-to-remove items, especially if you are looking for some semi-public sex. \u201cWear something that can be taken off, and on easily,\u201d Korpak recommends. \u201cHaving looser jogging shorts or pants with a button fly can make taking clothing off more discreet and less difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n javi_indy\/Shutterstock<\/small><\/p>\n\n\n\n Zane says that you\u2019ll have the best experience if you learn the ins and outs of cruising culture by reading a book like Herrera\u2019s (analog) Cruising<\/em><\/u><\/a> manual. \u201cThere\u2019s a sorta script for it, where you make extended eye contact,\u201d he explains. \u201cIf they look at you, holding your eye contact as you walk by, you turn around. If they turn around and give you a little smirk, then you should follow them wherever they\u2019re going, so you two can hook up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Learning to read the body language of gay men, especially in the context of cruising, may take a little time, but it will be well worth the effort, and really is much simpler than you\u2019d think. \u201cA lot of cruising relies on body language and less spoken words,\u201d Korpak says. \u201cFor example making eye contract with someone is generally a sign you are interested in cruising them. If you make eye contact with someone and they are interested they may look at your crotch or grab their own.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The sex will be even better, and you\u2019re less likely to have a bad experience or post-nut regrets if you know your boundaries and are upfront about them. \u201cSticking to your boundaries will keep you safe and lead to a sexually fulfilling time without doing something you are not wanting or ready for,\u201d Korpak says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Make sure you\u2019re in the right headspace and not trying to use a quick hookup to fix the emotional pain you\u2019re in. Do it because you want to have a fun and exhilarating sexual experience, not to repair your mental health. \u201cIf you are looking for unhealthy validation, such as trying to recover from a broken heart, or in a depressive episode, cruising can pose different, unexpected risks and prolong healing,\u201d Herreras explains.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Don\u2019t leave home without lube and condoms. \u201cThe last thing you want to have happen is be just about to do the act and find out you aren\u2019t prepared,\u201d Korpak says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can\u2019t cruise everywhere, so make sure you are picking places like bathhouses or gay bars. \u201cStay aware of the context you are in, don\u2019t rely to heavily on apps to provide connection or safety, and treat cruising as something best done in environments that are created for it such as bathhouses and gay bars with a \u2018back room,\u2019\u201d Korpak recommends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Interested in cruising, but you\u2019d rather watch than participate directly? That\u2019s ok too. \u201cVoyeurism or watching others is a big part of cruising culture,\u201d Korpak says. \u201cIn cruising spaces, consent still always applies even if you are in a public space. If you are watching make sure the others are giving signals that they want to be watched.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s fine to let your guard down a little and live in the moment, but if you want to have the best experience possible, have fun without being totally reckless. \u201cCruising should be fun and sexy, not reckless,\u201d Zane says. \u201cStay smart, stay safe, and remember the hottest encounters are the ones where everyone walks away smiling.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Leo Herrera, a queer Mexican artist and author of the cruising manual (analog) Cruising<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Zachary Zane, a queer sex and relationship columnist and author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nIt’s ok to feel nervous before cruising<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"\/](\"https:\/\/www.out.com\/media-library\/image.jpg?id=62186566&width=700&quality=65\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\nWhat are the main risks to consider when cruising?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
How can those risks be mitigated?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
![\"Two](\"https:\/\/www.out.com\/media-library\/two-men-in-bed-with-their-foreheads-touching.jpg?id=62186567&width=700&quality=65\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\nHookup apps vs cruising in person<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Tips for cruising safely:<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
![\"Two](\"https:\/\/www.out.com\/media-library\/two-men-in-bed-together-without-shirts-on.jpg?id=62186568&width=700&quality=65\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n1. Verify identity<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
2. Tell a friend<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
3. Trust your gut<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
4. Keep your identity safe<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
5. Beware of scams<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
6. Know your exits<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
7. Read the room<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
8. Practice safe sex<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
9. Be careful with party drugs<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
10. Leave valuables behind<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
11. Pick your clothes carefully<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Tips for cruising successfully:<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
![\"Two](\"https:\/\/www.out.com\/media-library\/two-men-standing-against-the-wall.jpg?id=62186570&width=700&quality=65\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n1. Learn the art of cruising<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
2. Learn to read body language<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
3. Know your boundaries<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
4. Don\u2019t look for validation<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
5. Have supplies handy<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
6. Pick the right place<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
7. Feel free to just watch<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
8. Don\u2019t be reckless<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Sources cited:<\/h2>\n\n\n\n