And the exact time stamps, because we’re good like that
Heated Rivalry is FINALLY available to stream in the UK, which means you get to watch the unapologetic filth in 4k.
Though Heated Rivalry, based on the bestselling books by Rachel Reid, has a great plot, characters, and message, it went mega viral for one major reason: Butts, balls, and banging. You don’t even need an ID, because the Online Safety Act does not apply to TV shows! Loophole!
Here are all the scenes, ranked for your enjoyment. Did someone say marathon?
Dirty, dirty plans ahead – episode one, 34:00
After months apart from their situationship, Shane and Illya collided once again near the end of episode one. Things got hot and heavy quickly, and soon enough, both of the lads were caked up for the camera.
Though undoubtedly hot, the truly x-rated moment came when Illya practically begged his rival to be his little bottom b*tch. It didn’t happen on account of their teammates next door.
Scott and Kip’s first time – episode three, 18:00
Credit: HBO
In episode three, we’re introduced to another emerging love story: Scott and Kip. Though Illya and Shane were undoubtedly the shining stars of the first season, Scott and Kip’s jawlines just fit together. It was a naughty game of Tetris from start to finish, and all packed inside a beautiful blue and black aesthetic.
Hang it in the Louvre!
Illya’s naughty invitation – episode one, 13:00
It might not be the most overtly sexual moment, but there’s just something about that intensity in the first fifteen minutes. It happened in the shower, with Illya making direct eye contact with Shane as he polished his trophy.
It set up the show for what it is: Abject and unapologetic filth.
Credit: HBO
The first time – episode one, 18:00
Controversial decision, because this was widely viewed as one of the best, but Shane and Illya’s first time just wasn’t doing it for me – besides the thumb sucking moment, obvs.
The strangest (but hottest) threesome in history – episode four, 40:00
As Shane grappled with questions about his identity, he had a brief fling with a famous actress called Rose. They even got to the bedroom, and while Shane did struggle to perform, the scene was cut with Illya enjoying some alone time in the shower.
Again, we got a shot of Connor Storrie’s butt (Thank you, HBO).
So toxic, but so hot – episode two, 34:00
Credit: HBO
In something all too familiar to queer people, a major theme throughout Heated Rivalry was the toxic effect of the infamous closet. Shane and Illya’s relationship quickly spiralled into something very unhealthy, and that’s never more clear than in episode three.
Illya demanded that Shane touch himself as he sat on a nearby chair, and while they did eventually get to the meat of the activity, bottom baby Shane was upset because they didn’t kiss.
Scott and Kip, again – episode three, 24:00
Scott and Kip got a second naughty scene in episode three, and this one was less artistic and more straight up p*rn. Lots of back muscles, lots of butt, and lots of heavy breathing.
Don’t watch this with your parents.
This one is going to hurt – episode six, 29:00
In the final episode, after finally breaking through those closet doors and accepting that they love each other, Shane and Illya run away to the former’s cabin in the woods. They – and I really hate this phrase – make love for the first time. Tonally, it’s hugely different to the rest of the show, which is mostly hot, heavy, and lacking that “I love you so much” energy.
The filthy compilation – episode four, 2:00
Credit: HBO
Episode four opened with a fun compilation of Illya and Shane enjoying the summer, which was mostly partying and cheek clapping. There’s one particular moment where Shane got slammed into the side of the ice rink during a hockey game, but the creators did a quick cut to him being similarly slammed in the bedroom.
*Chef’s kiss*
*That* phone call – episode six, 19:00
In the finale of Heated Rivalry season one, Shane takes a phonecall as Illya does his best to distract him… with his mouth. Enough said.
Power bottoms all around – episode four, 12:00
We got to see Illya all big, scary, and Russian throughout most of the show, but in arguably the raunchiest episode of the whole season, Shane got on top. Hot for sure, but it was Illya’s hands gripping Shane’s hips that had Twitter sweating.
Shane gets topped – episode two, 7:00
That big moment, emphasis on big, came in episode two. Shane was understandably breathless throughout, but Illya took it slow at first to ease him into it.
There’s even a bit of cuddling after, if you’re into that.
What the frot – episode four, 19:00
Credit: HBO
This is the scene that has been shared far and wide across the internet, and for good reason. The chemistry was off the charts, their bodies were practically glowing, and Shane’s back arch is mythological at this point.
There’s also a frotting moment, which, if you weren’t aware, means “rubbing/holding/m*sturbating two p*nises together for sexual pleasure.” Don’t you feel more educated now?
