The gym and queer men seem to go hand in hand, but everyone has their own reasons for going. Despite any legitimate health or actual interest reasons, let’s be real for a second: Part of you goes to the gym hoping to meet another cute, single gay/bi guy.
There’s no reason to be shy; we’ve all heard the stories of couples who’ve shacked up after meeting at the gym. If you’re like me, you’ve probably thought to yourself, “HOW?!?” How do these guys manage to strike up conversations at the gym in a way that’s not painfully awkward?
There is no tried and true way, which is the unfortunate part about this situation. That said, here are 15 tips that should help you out the next time you want to give it a go.
1. Determine if he’s into men
The first thing you need to do is determine if he’s into men. In my experience, the answer is always a resounding “Yes.” Obviously, not every guy who works out at the gym is queer, but it’s surprising how many gay guys are actually there. A number of times I’ve thought to myself, “Nah… I don’t think that guy is gay.” and then I see him on Grindr or at a gay bar.
2. Start with eye contact
Okay, so this will actually help you determine if he really is gay. Gay men know how to steal glances. We know how to make eye contact in a way that’s asking, “So you into this or not?” Since many straight men would be offended (or even violent) if a gay man were to hit on them, we’ve mastered how to be subtle yet clear regarding our attraction to other men. This first starts by making eye contact.
3. Smiling doesn’t hurt, either
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Some people feel uncomfortable when others make eye contact with them, regardless of their sexuality. Break some of the awkwardness with an inviting smile to make him feel a little more welcome.
4. Dress to impress… ish
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The gym isn’t the place for a fashion show, no, but if you know he’s going to be there, there’s nothing wrong with sprucing yourself up a little more than usual. Doing your hair first, wearing the cleanest shorts, maybe even going so far as to iron your clothes so you look your most put together may help get his attention.
5. Be confident and approachable
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Confidence is attractive, and a friendly smile can go a long way in breaking the ice. Try to make eye contact and give a nod or a smile to the guy you’re interested in to show you’re open to talking.
6. Introduce yourself
Here’s the thing about introducing yourself to someone at the gym. You don’t introduce yourself to someone that you’re not interested in. If I actually wanted to use the equipment, I wouldn’t say “Hi, I’m Zach.” I would just use the equipment and be on my merry way. If you introduce yourself, it’s clear that you plan on talking to him again, and you want to get to know him. This makes your romantic intent clearer.
7. Ask him if he needs a spotter/request a spot
After introducing yourself, ask him to spot you. (This only works if you’re using weights. I’m aware you can’t have someone spot you on the elliptical.) When you’re spotting each other, this gives you an opportunity to talk a little more. “Do you live nearby?” “When do you usually come in to work out?”
8. Ask him to spot you
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Maybe you’re the one who needs a spot for the today — and you actually might need one, too. Regardless, asking him to help you out might be easier for you than asking him if he needs you.
9. Don’t be too aggressive
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While it’s okay to express your interest, it’s important not to come across as too aggressive or pushy. Respect personal space and boundaries, and if he seems disinterested, move on.
10. Find common ground
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You both are at the gym for a reason, and that can be a great conversation starter. Maybe you can ask about the exercise he’s doing or offer a compliment on his workout routine.
11. Happen to need the same equipment as him
“How many more sets do you have on this?” or “Do you mind if I work in with you?” This is how you’re going to start up conversation with him. It’s a natural, non-flirty way to start talking to a guy. This will also help you determine if he’s gay. A friend of mine I met at the gym (initially we dated, but are just friends now) said he always thought I was cute, but wasn’t sure if I was into men. He said he knew I was queer the moment I opened my mouth after he asked if he can work in. “Oh my god! Of course, go for it honey!”
12. Say hi to him every time you see him at the gym
Now that your buds, you say hello to him. Talk to him and see what he’s up to every time you’re at the gym.
13. Ask him out
Finally, you’re now in a position to ask him out. You know each other’s names. You know a few personal details about one another from your previous chats. It would be completely normal, in fact expected, for you to ask him out at this point!
14. Don’t end things on bad terms
Not to end things on a negative note, but let’s be real: things might not work out. That’s just part of dating. Remember, you guys both work out at the same gym, so do your best to try to end things on good terms (if they do end). You don’t want to get nervous at the prospect of running into him at the gym. Or worse…feel obligated to change gyms.
15. Consider joining group fitness classes
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Groups are fun! Group fitness classes can be a great way to meet new people, including potential love interests. You may have more opportunities to interact with others in a relaxed and social setting.
