Things get a little hotter than usual in the bathhouses we’re talking about. In this guide, we explain the dos and don’ts – and why the gay sauna is a queer cultural staple.
Hot, horny and rooms full of male bodies, gay saunas are, without a doubt, an absolute cruising staple and have been for thousands of years. For millennia, these communal and private spaces have been tucked away from the hetero-centrism of our world. Their popularity has seen them pop up everywhere, from ancient Rome to modern-day Soho, as much-needed places for sexual exploration and community for gay and bisexual men.
Gay saunas and steam rooms (or bathhouses as they’re sometimes referred to) aren’t without their risks, though. Knowing how to navigate the boundaries of others can be a subtle and instinctive art, especially when many of the cues are non-verbal.
Whether you’re a first-time visitor to a gay sauna or know your way around, this guide breaks it all down.
Why gay saunas are significant to gay culture
Social bathing traditions are found in many cultures throughout the world: from hammams to the baths of Ancient Rome and Greece.We don’t have a definitive answer to when gay and bi men started queering these rituals, producing modern gay sauna and bathhouse culture, but we can trace the practice back literally hundreds of years.
One of the first iterations we know of goes back to Florence, Italy 1492. However, this period was also marred, as many historical timelines are, by homophobic discrimination and prejudice. Even in 13th-century Italy, gays couldn’t catch a break, and many men found in these spaces were sentenced to death for practising sodomy.
A public bathing culture emerged in Europe among the well-to-do classes and spread to the social elites in Mexico in the 19th century. Elizabeth Garner Masarik, PhD and Averill Earls, PhD claim on their podcast, Dig: A history podcast, that at this point bathhouses began to be enjoyed among wealthy men in the country as a luxurious spot to be pampered.
While same-sex encounters weren’t necessarily something that Mexican authorities were too bothered by and are described in the podcast as something of an afterthought, it didn’t stop the Mexican government from shutting down bathhouses entirely in the 1910s.
From the 1920s onwards, queer saunas and bathhouses made their way across North America, becoming immensely popular in the 1970s thanks to the era of free love. However, the sobering impact of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, which began in the 1980s and continues today, meant bathhouses and saunas once again became synonymous with sin, obscenity and danger.
Yet, one more global pandemic and many years later, the humble gay sauna stands as a testament to its historical and cultural significance as a bastion of community and sexploration.
What to expect at a gay sauna
Over the years, saunas have changed quite a bit to cater to the vast array of tastes and sexual appetites of the gay and bi community.
But for those who’ve never stepped foot in one before, the experience may feel daunting and anxiety-inducing. You might be wondering if there’s a place you can douche, or whether you have to have sex when you’re approached by someone. Fret not, we’ve answered your worries below.
What facilities are available in gay saunas?
Depending on what you’re looking for, i.e. whether there’s a specific “vibe”, kink or fetish you’re exploring, things can vary from place to place. That being said, you should find the following basics covered.
Detailing his first-ever experience in a gay sauna, TikTok user @thejohnagenda goes into detail about what you’ll find.
“There are douching stations and showers where you can wash yourself, there are little rooms, hot tubs,” he recounts.
Often, saunas will have many unique areas, like the ones mentioned by @thejohnagenda, in addition to free condoms and lube, a dark room, gloryholes and suckatoriums, playrooms and more.
Reflecting on the experience, @thejohnagenda touches upon some of the things he did and didn’t enjoy about his first time.
“I liked doing stuff,” he laughs coyly before adding that the transactional nature and lack of emotions weren’t something he enjoyed.
What is the role of staff at a gay sauna?
“Sauna staff see nervous people come through the door every day,” Dan Ireland-Reeves, 36 years old, Southampton, tells Gay Times, “so you’re not alone,” he says reassuringly.
Ireland-Reeves, who is an ex-sauna manager and award-winning writer of the Sauna Boy play and performance, runs the TikTok account (@thesaunaboy) dedicated to demystifying perceptions and telling all on the ins and outs of the gay sauna experience. He explains that staff are on hand to explain how it works and let you know where everything is.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he reassures, before continuing, “I always recommend that first timers just treat it like a spa day. Go with zero expectations of hooking up.”
Ireland-Reeves says that approaching it this way will take some of the pressure and fear away, “Enjoy a sauna and a steam, have a wander around, explore a bit. And, if/when you feel comfortable, you can get more involved.”
Good advice! So what should one do when they’re ready to, err, get involved..?
Navigating ‘the code of silence’ and the ambiguous signs of consent
All sex is risky business, so there are a few dos and don’ts to adhere to if you want to pay a visit to your local gay sauna. If you’re there to play you’ll want to make sure you keep sexual health top of mind. Knowing your status and that of your potential partner(s) is the first step in harm reduction. Many STIs are symptomless, so the only way to no for sure is to find out. Sex is never safe, but it can always be safer!
The do’s and don’ts
“Obviously consent is always top of the list.” Ireland-Reeves states before adding, “Don’t come on too strong. Try to enjoy the build-up and the thrill of cruising.”
He explains that if someone is giving you a clear “no”, isn’t making eye contact or moves away, then you should move along too. The advice from Ireland-Reeves on consent is a resounding message: that if you’re not sure, then don’t proceed.
“Try and think about how you react when you’re not interested in someone, and that can give you a clearer idea of what they’re trying to tell you.”
Even in places like dark rooms, where consent can be more difficult to navigate, advice from saunas such as Soho’s Sweatbox says, “If your sauna has a dark room or rooms, if you choose to enter this area, you are deemed to have consented to anonymous, non-penetrative sexual contact.”
They also go on to explain that if you enter the dark room and become uncomfortable with this form of contact, you should leave immediately.
“Treat everyone with respect,” says Ireland-Reeves.
“In the sauna, people may just look like blank bodies to you, but everyone in that building has a full life, personality and story. Everyone has as much right to be there as you, whether they’re your type or not. So be kind and look after each other.”
