Dating, in general, is hard. Gay dating? That’s a whole other story bedeviled with relationship-ending mistakes.
Unlike heterosexual dating, queer dating comes with myriad complexities and frustrations. Past horrible dating experiences have left most people perpetually scarred and closed off to affection.
We almost always expect things to go south; ultimately, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Others find it difficult to date because they are deep in the closet. And that’s alright. Each person has their journey to self-acceptance and coming out.
However, that should not stand in the way of finding the man of your dreams.
Getting to know him and possibly committing to a future relationship will be an intricate affair. Committing a few mistakes here and there could put your romantic whirlwind in jeopardy.
We’ve singled out some of the common mistakes to avoid when playing the gay dating game:
1. Defining the relationship too fast
There’s a lot of excitement that comes with being in a relationship with a new partner. It is understandable. However, as thrilling as this infatuation stage may be, keep a cool head and avoid putting labels on the relationship.
You need to ease your way into it as you gauge whether you match as life partners.
Ideally, don’t discuss marriage and kids, just two dates in.
If you define the relationship too fast, you end up missing out on red flags and deal-breakers that could bring problems in the future.
Be patient and allow the communication to go naturally without any pressure.
2. Moving in together too soon
So y’all have dated for quite some time now and decided perhaps it’s time to move in together. How exciting! At last, you get to see your partner 24/7/365…or something like that. But, it’s not all romantic bliss.
There’s always a catch that comes with cohabiting.
Before sharing a home with your potential life partner, get to know them well. How are their household habits? Does he practice good body hygiene? Is his house tidy or messy? Worse still, does he slam doors? These habits, however minor, can cause rifts later in the relationship if neglected.
Observe and gauge whether your habits are compatible; otherwise, your romantic bubble will burst pretty soon.
3. Talking about your ex-non stop
Heartbreaks are painful. It’s never easy overcoming one. It gets messy just overcoming one.
Sadly, it’s a necessary part of the human experience – a learning opportunity and a stepping stone to better future relationships.
Do not carry the baggage from your last relationship into a new one. Stop talking about your ex! No one wants to hear how romantic or “well-endowed” he was. Talking a lot about your exes could send the wrong message to potential partners and even turn them off.
4. Not being honest about your feelings
How many times have we avoided being upfront with our partners regarding how we genuinely feel about them? It could be in the small things they do that don’t sit well with you. But hey, you’d rather keep quiet out of fear of rejection or insults, which is the wrong move.
The idea that the other person will read your mind and know what you think about him is absurd.
Honesty, they say, is the best policy. Be candid and let your partner know if something is not working. After all, emotional honesty is the path towards a healthy and committed relationship.
5. Being too desperate
Nothing is annoying as someone who comes off as too clingy or needy, especially in the early stages of knowing each other.
Sure, you are excited about your new prospect, but there are boundaries to be respected as well.
How can you tell that you are over-affectionate?
- Keep texting him relentlessly and being over-eager to get a reply.
- Being too available and attending to all his needs
- Asking a lot of questions on what he was up to when you weren’t together.
All these signs point to desperation and could become a turn-off early on. Confront this behavior by establishing boundaries and ensuring your partner respects them.
That way, you strike a balance between closeness and personal space.
