Let’s face it – gay dating in 2025 is a minefield of red flags in designer clothing. Here’s every type of guy you’ll meet on the apps this year, why they’ll drive you crazy, and whether they’re worth your time.
The Instagram Addict
Look, we all enjoy a good selfie, but this guy treats every moment like he’s shooting for Vogue.
Your romantic dinner? That’s content. Your morning coffee? Content. That cute thing you just did? Sorry, can you do it again but slower this time? He’s got 12K followers to feed.
What He Does: Takes 47 photos of his coffee before letting you drink yours
Real Life Example: “He stopped our first kiss halfway through because ‘the lighting wasn’t right for his story.”
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: Always looks amazing in photos
- Cons: Your entire relationship will be content
- Bottom Line: Only if you’re ready to be an unpaid Instagram husband
The Tech Bro
The walking embodiment of Silicon Valley stereotypes wrapped in a Patagonia vest.
He thinks he’s the next Mark Zuckerberg but can’t figure out how to load a dishwasher. Every conversation somehow turns into a pitch meeting, and he genuinely believes crypto is the future.
What He Does: Tries to pitch you his startup when you’re in bed
Real Life Example: “He said our relationship needed a ‘quarterly review’ and made a PowerPoint.”
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: Probably rich (or will be)
- Cons: Thinks Elon Musk is “misunderstood”
- Bottom Line: If you can handle someone who thinks “disrupting the dating space” is romantic
The Time Waster
The king of “almost there!” who’s never actually coming.
He’ll chat for weeks, plan multiple meetings, and somehow always have an emergency right before you’re supposed to meet. His grandma has died three times this month, bless her immortal soul.
What He Does: Has been “5 minutes away” for the last 2 hours
Real Life Example: “We’ve been chatting for six months. He lives two blocks away. I’ve never seen him in person.”
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: Great texter
- Cons: Might not actually exist
- Bottom Line: Don’t waste your time unless you’re into long-distance relationships with someone in your neighborhood
The Ghost Returner
Vanishes faster than your ex’s promises, only to resurrect months later with a casual “hey” like nothing happened.
No explanation, no apology – just slides back into your DMs thinking your memory is as short as his attention span.
What He Does: Disappears for months then comes back with “wyd”
Real Life Example: “He ghosted after three dates, reappeared six months later asking if I was free that night. When I mentioned the ghosting, he said ‘oh yeah, my phone was broken.’”
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: You’ll always have something to look forward to (his next disappearance)
- Cons: More comebacks than Madonna
- Bottom Line: Only if you enjoy playing “Guess Who’s Back” as a lifestyle
The “Straight-Acting” Zealot
His entire personality is not being “like other gays.”
Probably has “masc4masc” in his profile more times than his actual name. Watches every episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race but claims he’s “just keeping up with the culture.”
What He Does: Rates everyone’s “straight-passing” potential while secretly memorizing Beyoncé choreography
Real Life Example: “He refused to go to brunch because it was ‘too gay’ but I caught him lip-syncing to Taylor Swift in his car.”
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: Your parents might love him
- Cons: His internalized issues need their own zip code
- Bottom Line: Only if you’re ready to be his therapist
The Pic Collector
A modern-day digital hoarder who treats photos like Pokémon cards – gotta catch ’em all!
Has more angles of you than your Instagram but somehow never has any recent pics of himself. Curious.
What He Does: Always needs “just one more pic” but never sends his own
Real Life Example: “After sending him 12 photos, he asked for ‘something more recent.’ His only pic was from 2019.”
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: Will definitely remember what you look like
- Cons: Probably running a catfish farm
- Bottom Line: Block him faster than your ex
The Forever Tourist
Claims he’s “just visiting” but his Grindr profile has been active in your area longer than most local businesses.
Somehow always needs a “tour guide” despite knowing every bar in town by name.
What He Does: Perpetually on a never-ending vacation
Real Life Example: “He’s been ‘visiting for the weekend’ for the past three months. I saw him at the grocery store buying furniture.” – Chris, 32
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: Knows all the best local spots
- Cons: Commitment issues visible from space
- Bottom Line: Good for a tour, bad for your future
The Scene Queen
Still living like it’s 2010 at The Abbey. Knows every party promoter in town and hasn’t missed a circuit party since Madonna’s first face.
His stories all start with “back when this was a REAL gay bar…”
What He Does: Ages backwards on dating apps
Real Life Example: “He told me he was 35, then mentioned being at the opening of Studio 54. I’m not great at math, but…”
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: Best connection to party circuit tickets
- Cons: Still thinks vodka Red Bull is a food group
- Bottom Line: Fun for a night, exhausting for a lifetime
The Identity Hider
His profile pic is either a torso, a landscape, or that same headless mirror selfie everyone has.
Claims he’s “discrete” [sic] but his secrecy level rivals the CIA. Probably has a wife, three kids, and a golden retriever in the suburbs.
What He Does: Sends you a face pic that looks like it was taken by a potato in 2007
Real Life Example: “He would only meet in a parking lot three towns over. Turned out he was my sister’s husband’s brother.”
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: Masters of scheduling
- Cons: You’ll never be on his Instagram (because he has a “private” one for family)
- Bottom Line: Unless you want to be someone’s secret, swipe left
The Fresh-Off-The-Apps Newbie
Bless his heart. He thinks Grindr is for making friends and gets confused by eggplant emojis.
Either just came out or just ended a 10-year relationship that started before smartphones existed. His innocence is both refreshing and exhausting.
What He Does: Tries to start a book club in the Grindr group chat
Real Life Example: “He asked what ‘looking?’ meant, then sent me a recipe when I used the eggplant emoji.”
Should You Date Him?
- Pros: No emotional baggage (yet)
- Cons: You’ll have to explain everything. Everything.
- Bottom Line: Could be refreshing if you have the patience of a saint
